We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
