I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
