I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I checked into jail on foursquare
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize