you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
