This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
True strength comes from lack of pants
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
