dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
