no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
