trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
porn star boner night. come get it.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
