just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He better not be in your backpack
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
