I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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