Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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