He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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