Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
