there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
