It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
