it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
