The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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