3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
