I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
