I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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