You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize