im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Randomize
