I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
