Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
