dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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