At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
