I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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