update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
