I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize