every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Randomize
