he wants to bone in the snuggie
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
