You really coming over, don't trick.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
