I wish I could punch you in the face.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
