Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
