Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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