I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
