I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
