1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
