Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
