definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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