You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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