Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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