Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
