To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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