i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
It's blow job season.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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