My first STD was from a foam party
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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