I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
