They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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