thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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