i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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