My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
