but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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