Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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