She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
