She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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