you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
