don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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