Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
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