Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
do nipples grow back?
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