u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
