I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize