So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
